What's on my mind

I have been writing on notebook after years not doing it. I used to do it daily and it was one of those reasons to keep my head together. Now that I am doing it, it's super scary. I didn't even realize how many things I have been just running away. My head is in peaces and it's so hard to get anything clearly on my mind. My memory is doing something on it's own, sometimes I remember and sometimes I just forget everything. So now that I am writing things I cannot escape them anymore. I used to love to write songs. I don't say they were good, but it was one outlet to get my feelings out. I have always been someone who feels so deeply that it hurts. It does not mean only my own feelings, I feel for others too, so much. Now I am trying to put together something even a little song. It is hard. I know I have people who can help me, but I want to get started on my own.